I am 31, Female, and Bald By Choice
At 4:00 pm on Saturday, April 11, 2015, I shaved 4 years of long, curly hair off my head. I am a 31 year old female Instagram addict and let all of my hair fall to the ground (well, in my hand because of the 6 braids of hair I was donating). I am not going through a mental breakdown, or trying to shock the world. I am not suffering from disease. I simply want all of those who have no choice in what grows, or does not grow, on their head to know they look beautiful too.
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| so long, long braids! |
I must say, I had no idea of what I was getting myself into.
For the past 6 years, I have attended a St. Baldrick's event and watched as countless people raise money to fight pediatric cancer and additionally shave their head in solidarity. Each year I consider actually participating but have never had the courage to do so. I finally decided this was the year, and in twenty minutes, other attendees contributed the $250 I pledged to shave at.
It didn't take courage, though. It took compassion. Courage means doing something that can possibly negatively impact your life. Police officers face the day with courage, I know a pair of clippers will not kill me. I am not brave.
What began as an act of generosity, has taught me more than I could ever imagine. The first stop post St Baldrick's was a shoe store, where a woman who just lost a student to cancer hugged me and told me to "fight the good fight." I never knew how full my heart could feel until that moment.
I am not dying, and my hair will grow back. I can never fully understand what those with alopecia or cancer or any auto-immune disorder that contributes to hair loss will go through because this is temporary. But I have gained empathy for something I never could otherwise and for that I feel blessed.
The first 24 hours have been exhausting. People approach me to talk to me, and they have previously walked by me numerous times without a glance. I am happy to share the story when they inquire about my "ask me why I'm bald pin" and offer a plethora of advice and support. But not everyone is on board. Many people act afraid or put off by my appearance. Many people just offer sad glances. So, lesson one, being bald will dominate your life- good or bad. So please, be aware of how actions affect others. Not everyone who is bald is sick. Not everyone who is sick wants to be constantly reminded that they are ill or treated as less than because of it. For several years before she died, my mother was in a wheelchair and would talk to me about this, and I am thankful for this glimpse into what she went through. She would ask me if I was embarrassed to go places with her and I never understood why. I didn't think much of the wheelchair, but now I realize she saw all of the stares and was constantly aware that everyone around her noticed.
Let us never turn compassion into pity, even if unintentional. Please, when you see someone who has a visible illness, act normal. Help them if they truly need help, but they are not helpless. And if you see someone who is bald, it is just hair. Get over it.
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| The moment of truth! |
I never understood just how much hair plays into beauty standards until it was gone. Yes, I would often Instagram my good hair days, but I love all of my features. Wow, without a frame my eyes look huge! And I look...different. The hardest part has been changing my social media profile pictures. What will people think? Will people think I look like a freak? But, forget those people. We are all beautiful, and I am more confident for this. It feels good to be liberated! Once again, it is just hair. Get over it. I am more than just one feature, and I appreciate all of those so much more now that I have a new perspective.
Being bald is awesome. My shower took half the time, I use half the towels. Seriously, the first shower post shave was one of the best sensory experiences of my life. The wind from the sunroof in my car was the coolest feeling ever and I can't stop rubbing my head. I don't have to worry about hair straighteners or product and I am always having an amazing hair day. Not only does it feel great to be released from conventional beauty standards, but the actual sensation of being bald is great. You know when you lay down your hair always goes in your face or the pony tail holder hurts your neck? I just get to enjoy the feeling of my pillow cover.
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| 6 days before the shave... |
Except, sometimes I look at pictures of my hair and I get sad and I can feel the tears forming. I miss it, I grew it out for four years! I adored my full head of curly hair! Every time I look in the mirror I shock myself. But I can never complain about it. Every 3 minutes a child is diagnosed with cancer and will most likely lose their hair and have no choice in the matter. Many people will lose their hair prematurely and never have the hope it will grow back. 1 year from now my hair will be chin length, and life will go on. I did not sacrifice anything, I have only gained experience.
I am thankful for the overwhelming support from everyone as I go on this journey. It has been such an eye opening experience from which I have so much more to learn. But I raised a lot of money, I am raising a lot of awareness, and I am learning so many life lessons.
I am 31, female, and bald for a cause. Bald is beautiful.
For more information on St. Baldrick's Foundation, visit http://www.stbaldricks.org/
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| Bald for a cause! |
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