I'm a Grown Adult Who Had Never Seen The Godfather, Here are my 199 Thoughts When I Did

Yes, you read the title correctly. Up until June of 2018, I had never seen The Godfather. I am 34. I love film. LOVE film. But I have been so busy watching David Lynch movies on IFC that it never occured to me to watch The Godfather. At one point I bought the DVDs to encourage myself to finally watch what many consider the greatest film franchise of all time. They sat on the shelf for nearly ten years.

Thanks to a nudge from people who had me watch a random 20 minutes, and its availability on Netflix right now (cool, I don't own 3.... seriously Netflix, we appreciate you), I finally dove in. I fell asleep the first time (it's 3 hours!!! That is 2 movies!!!) but I took 3 nights to bring my ADD brain through it and took notes. Here are all 199 of them, in chronological order: thoughts, questions, and a pretty brutal drinking game that seems to emerge.

Warning, if you have not seen the movie this post will spoil it for you and will probably not make any sense anyway. But, hi kindred spirit... get on it, you will love it, I promise.

via GIPHY
Anyway... here are all 38 mini pages of notes

1. I get that the wedding sets it all off, but it goes too long. I mean, really.  This is why I never got through it before. It just speaks at you. But apparently it all makes sense in the end, so the next half hour will be this.
2. "She insisted" ohhhhhh yes thank you "It insists upon itself" (if you don't get the reference, we can't be friends. 
3. Beautiful monologue about a beautiful girl, but why
4. Okay, we need to see Papa Corleone in action, but this is Michael's story. Oh, that is why 2 flashes back. Is it both their story?
5. Dude, why does he speak like he has dry mouth?
6. WTF is he doing with that cat on his lap?
7. How do you not call him Godfather? It's in the friggin name of the movie. Rude.
8. Is homie with the bad hair gonna die?
9. What year does this take place?
10. When any of my daughters get married, I'm gonna be so extra with the jokes
11. Well that band just startled me off the couch
12. Michael makes them wait. Typical.
    
13. Scream across the party that you need more wine and someone just runs you a pitcher? I was born into the wrong family.
14. Does he miss all of his kid's wedding because people want free stuff?
15. Oh, sending veterans back to their native country? This movie IS timeless.
16. I can't get over the cinematography
17. OOOOh Enzo... is that why he helps out later?
18. "May your first child be a masculine child" I just pictured Marla from A League of Their Own but a baby and just laughed way too hard.
19. He just basically described his "brother" as a stray kitten. Just picking up kids like that, what a weird time.
20. This conversation is why the movie is so long.
21. These dresses do to fashion what the Corleones do to anyone who tells them no.
22. I am way to WASP-y to survive an Italian family's party
23. The look he gave her when she asked how his father helped the singer is glorious. How is that not a meme?
    
24. "That's my family, not me" and once again I now understand why 2 is an interwoven story. I guess I should give it a go.
25. "Act like a man" would be better if he didn't jut out his lip like that. SO distracting. 
26. It must be lonely thinking people only respect you out of fear, and knowing people only care about what you do for them. His poor daughter doesn't even know if her wedding guests are real.
27. This wedding is why the film is so long, actually. 
28. How many cars are rented for this film?
29. Even arial shots are classic cars
30. I think ANY drinking game to this movie would kill you
31. I wish I didn't know the horsehead cliche. So anticlimactic.
32. Take a drink every time you hear a racial slur
33. Of course its about sleeping with your client, producer
34. This movie really is up on current events for being 60 years old
35. Thanks 2018, I'm SJWing the 1940s(?)
36. Seriously, how did someone putting that in his bed not wake him up?
37. I just see Tom Hanks in You've Got Mail here
    
38. Just scene after scene of favors. It is so depressing, the solitude
39. Someone ask what Vito wants!!!!
40. My #MCM is arrogant Jimmy Caan. Hi.
41. Don't snack during the strangling. His tongue. OMG
42. I can't even comment on the hit scene. Moving. Flawless.
43. Of course he is slippin living that depressing life
44. Who TF is Luca that they keep mentioning?
45. "Almost 1946" Ooh I got it right!
46. Man, no one takes Michael seriously
47. Well I guess my question about Luca will never be answered
48. I need cannoli. Only a 15 minute drive for the good stuff
49. I know "go to the mattresses" from You've Got Mail, too!
50. Not a safe place to pee.
51. Told ya.
    
52. I'm gonna be there at opening for a cannoli
53. I'm distracted from the plot by cannoli and Caan
54. OMG is that Al Pacino?
55. I just realized that
56. He certainly aged well
57. Good, the dumb girl is gone
58. So. The first time I saw any of The Godfather, was just the hospital scene to Michael heading to Italy. They asked if I had seen the movie, and just had to show me the best part. Now, without context, I had to create my own. I was so wrong. So much better with the proper context. I can see why it is everyone's favorite.
59. I get Micahel's really in now. Way to step up, Baby Bird.
60. How's the place that empty? Was there no staff at all in the 40s?
61. Enzo! The callback to the favor is why this is such an intelligently spun story
62. Ah the "I'm with you" meant that he is in the family, not just that he came to sit with his dad in the hospital. That is why he smiled. Light bulb moment.
    
63. The cops behavior and the mob hits in the street makes 1940s NYC either so exciting or absolotulely horrifying. I can't decide.
64. Can't refuse. Drink.
65. Sonny has zero chill
66. Michael is a madman
67. I've never been so tense watching a movie. Does he have the cannoli to actually start a war?
68. Don't look but don't look away. What could go wrong?
69. Sonny lookin fine. Drink.
    
70. Planning the big hit... I can't handle this even knowing how it goes. Palpable.
71. The worst part of The Godfather is you can't snark it.
72. The goodbye... tears. 
73. Hahahaha he just called Sonny a hothead.
74. Someone find a translation of what they're saying in the restaurant, please
75. "It's like they're speaking a different language" "Because they are"
76. Cop is crazy into the meal
77. I would love this scene more if I didn't know what happens to Sonny and the weird marriage... gah
78. It worked!
79. Goodness, what are they saying?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!?!?!?!?!?!
80. Is the train sound real or just his adrenaline?
81. This movie may be understated, but the deaths are brutal  AF
82. Hey, look, he started a war and runs away to Italy. Growl.
83. Are those real crime scene photos?
84. Vito Corleone comes home and releases the greatest rap album of all time.                                "Five bullets in the back, plan my funeral? Don't bother. Can't drop me like that, son, I'm The Godfather"
85. Poor Vito wanted better for his son, only to find out he started the war. Such a moving scene without him saying a word.
86. Sonny's hot even when he's mean. Don't yell like that, blame your cocky brother
87. OH EM GEE I want to hide out in Italy, too
88. The bruise that never heals
89. "They're all dead from vendettas" side eye is my everyday mood
90. "In Sicily, women are more dangerous than shotguns"
91. Ew, they discuss her like a piece of meat. Drink.
92. Michael is smooth AF working over the dad. I think all the men are my #MCM
93. I don't know how time works in this film. They're engaged or courting or something and yet he still has the bruise
    
94. What is happening and why are they in a procession?
95. Sonny has a one night stand. Drink.
96. Sonny is such a great brother when he sees she was beat
97. Oh.
98. Fight on the street and no one bats an eye. NYC was wild.
99. He's beating him with a trash can lid
100. HE BIT HIM
101. Still a great brother
102. The kids look awfully annoyed their fire hydrant fountain time got interrupted 
103. Oh look, Michael is getting married. I have so many thoughts on this whole thing that happens that no one knows about. It is SO WEIRD. I could go on about this for days.
104. The bruise still stands.
105. Yeah, I need to go to Sicily.
106. If Michael is anything, he is a man of his word
107. Oh, hey, boobs
108. Why does she have no nipples?!?!?!!
109. So many questions.
110. That poor woman back home just bounced on. Bro.
111. She really doesn't understand how this works, does she?
112. This fight is so extra, I can barely take it seriously. She's wild.
113. Racial slur, drink.
114. She just smashed. Every. Darn. Dish.
     
115. Yeah, I can't watch this scene anymore
116. Good God.
117. Poor Sonny. Like dealing with a screaming baby isn't bad enough
118. The beginning of the end
119. 1000x worse when you know what happens
120. As soon as the guard ducks down...
121. No. No. No. No. No. No.
     
122. That's how you send a message
123. I will never get over this, it is why I can't move on to Godfather 2.
124. Michael gets so many men killed and feels no effect
125. Poor Vito. He is already so sad and I am in tears
126. Tears.
127. "This war stops now"
128. Rip #MCM
129. I think I slept through this part the last time.
130. Oh, wait. The mom is around?
131. More tears.
132. Back to a-hole Michael.
133. Another Tom Hanks vision.... "Monday, Tuesday, Thursday"
134. At least this part has subtitles
135. I hope you feel that pain, Michael
136. Oh snap, he figured it out
137. Well, he felt that pain. Hopefully we get equalibreum now.
138. Aww, I miss Prince.
     
139. This meeting is also why the movie is so long
140. Drink every time someone mentions that Vito has all the politicians in his pocket. Or don't. You will most certainly die.
141. Aww, ethical drug dealing. It was an idealistic time.
142. Vito is an orater and I am in awe
143. You can't help but get sucked into the is film
144. He's back!
145. Wait, how does time work in this film again?
146. Oh, I guess we just skipped a year
147. That awkward moment when you want a 3 hour movie to be longer.
148. Awww "senators don't have men killed." See, such an idealistic time.
149. His wife died only a year (?) ago, he keeps his marriage a secret, hops back on to baby mama. I'll say it again, the whole thing is bizarre. 
150. I can't get past this.
151. So I just read about the Sonny fight in the street. The bite and trashcan lid were unscripted and the actor hated him for it. James Caan is now my #MCMEryday
152. So Michael is head of the family now
153. Glad I now know that he didn't want in. Looking forward to 2 even more now
154. Spreading to Vegas... the end of a simpler era. I don't know why, but this doesn't interest me at all.
155. Told twice you're not a wartime consigliere. Ouch.
     
156. Corleones show no mercy
157. Michael starts a second war, but Sonny was the hothead?
158. He thinks nothing of consequences.
159. I don't know how I didn't know that's Al Pacino.
160. "I'll make him an offer he can't refuse" Drink. Again.
161. Racial slur. Drink. 
162. Michael talks to anyone however he wants.
163. So weird that he just goes to his wife after his secret marriage
164. "I like to drink wine more than I used to..." Now, THAT is Godfather wisdom
165. "Women and children can be careless, but not men." This is why I don't want to time travel
166. The puppet strings... I get it now
     
167. Senator Corleone- Papa with all his regrets is so heavy
168. He is so sad that it makes me feel sad
169. An orange. Guess Vito dies?
170. Man, he scares his own grandson
171. Such a sweet scene, interesting that he dies while his grandson pretend shoots him with a a water gun
172. All those flowers, so cool. I want that.
173. This movie makes me want to be in the mob
174. Or at least Italian
175. Michael always looks like he is scheming. It's your father's funeral!
176. Oh, because the other heads of the families are there.
177. I like how this movie is book ended with Vito "shot"
178. Though the attempted hit feels like a lifetime ago
179. I love baby baptisms so much
180. But this is why the movie is 3 hours long. Drink.
181. OMG he is brutal in his conniving
182. The dichotomy here is indescribably beautiful
183. RIGHT IN THE EYE!!!!!!
184. That is how you renounce Satan
185. Seriously, that eye shot
     
186. Not getting over that
187. Michael solved the problem
188. He's vicious
189. Funny that he's the one who didn't want to be in it
190. Wait, do they not know they were whacked?
191. I'm so confused.
192. Wait, is that Robert Duvall?
193. He better get hit after what happened with Sonny.
194. Hahahaha "Do you think I would make my sister a widow?" So smooth
195. I adore that he was tricked into thinking he had a chance to live.
196. The sound of the strangling though
197. This girl is so extra with her shrieking
198. WOW
199. It is over!!!!

Thank you for taking this journey with me. Stay tuned for Godfather 2!

If you can answer any of my questions, that would be awesome. Ciao!

KimmayJ does love movies, she swears. She just spent so many years watching indie dramas and cheesy horror b-reels that she has missed out on the classics. Last month she finally saw  Easy Rider and still hasn't recovered. You can also follow her on facebook, instagram, tumblr, pinterest, and twitter!