30 Times You Realized Age Is Not Just A Number
Every time I talk about my age, someone always pipes in with
“don’t worry, it’s just a number.” Like I am just some crazy who is willing
myself into a world of joint pain and boredom instead of drinking from the
fountain of youth like all the normals. Well, explain this to me, then!
They seat at 1pm, right?
2. You pay more for that “fancy” food so you don’t feel sick
afterwards
Farewell, Ramen!
3. The same goes for vodka
Six dollar bottles are a young man’s game.
4. Your favorite comedies suddenly feature parents or career
driven breakdowns.
I wanted my 30th birthday to be just like
Something Borrowed.
5. Skipping a couple of days at the gym is not an option.
It would be nice if body parts could just stay in their
place when I ask them to.
6. People stop asking
what you’re going to do with your life.
Face it, if you aren’t in your career your meddling aunt has
probably just given up on you.
7. A bottle of wine makes for a wild night.
Yeah, all hard liquor is a young man’s game.
8. People cut you off as soon as you say, “Remember when?”
Face it, there have been no crazy stories for at least a
year now. We’ve heard them all. Several times.
9. You schedule binge watching.
If I watch Pretty Little Liars by 9, I can fit in 3 Friends
episodes before bed. Now when does House of Cards come out? Okay, I guess my
bat mitzvah RSVP is no.
10. In the middle of a carefully planned Netflix session you
realize you are older than your favorite character and get depressed.
Oh, Ted just now turned 30? Cool, I am totally less put
together than Ted. Thanks, HIMYM.
11. You wake up one morning and realize you haven’t had Taco
Bell in 3 weeks.
And they took away your favorite menu item, sparing you a
day of pain.
12. Your favorite booty call is in a serious relationship.
Time for… Tinder? Man, this is complicated and scary.
13. You don’t panic for your friend when she tells you that
she is pregnant.
Because of course she’s an adult with a job and a husband,
because that is what we do now.
14. A short skirt is way more of a hassle than it is worth.
Being 23 means a lot of tugging on your hemline. No wonder
all those pictures looked awkward!
15. You are more familiar with what movies are about to come
onto Netflix than what bands are in town.
People are scary.
16. Timehop is way more cringe worthy than nostalgic.
Some things should never be live tweeted.
17. You tell the cashier you don’t want 5 of your items
because you aren’t sure you need them.
Thank you bills, I will forever dream about the dress that
got away.
18. You give riding the subway a second thought.
That kind of risk taking is exhausting!
19. Your old favorite rock song mentions being 23 and your
night is ruined.
Thanks Blink-182.
20. Beer is super filling now.
I’m pretty sure most alcohol is a young man’s game.
21. You woke up with a grease and/or chocolate hangover.
Food is now a one-sided relationship.
22. Hanging out in your friend’s kitchen is way more fun
than any club is.
Migraine? No thank you.
23. If someone asks you to go out on a Tuesday night, they
are obviously struggling.
Or if it is cold, or rainy. Seriously, what is actually that
important?
24. Nail polish is only for special occasions, no one has
time for upkeep.
Plus I saw this story about salons and disease and ewwwww.
25. You never leave the house without a change of shoes.
Stilettos are exhausting.
26. You know what? Everything is exhausting.
It is, it really is.
27. Rambling about your kids is not only socially
acceptable, it is expected.
The few that aren't guilty of it just become immune to it now.
28. We barely even get jealous when a friend gets a
promotion.
And you don’t even sense a hint of sarcasm.
29. You actually complete Pinterest projects.
Nothing pairs with binge watching like crock pot chicken!
30. You read these
lists all the time just to make sure you aren’t crazy.
You aren’t crazy, getting old is just weird.
KimmayJ is a thirtysomething who wants to know where the decade went. Follow on twitter @kimmayj!
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